House For Six

First Day Of School & Letting Go

Deme Crinion2 Comments
And she's off!  Off to big bad first grade in a huge school that goes all the way up to 8th grade.  She did beautifully this morning, and somehow I managed to keep it together.

First lets talk about my monumental accomplishment this morning.  After no alarm the entire summer, I actually got out of bed when my alarm went off.  That was partly due to the fact that I stuck it in the bathroom so I would be forced to get up to turn it off...BUT, I did not crawl back into bed.  Small victory.

I got myself dressed and ready while the house was still quiet.  If I didn't love to sleep so much (and weren't such a night owl), I think I could actually enjoy being a morning person.  I love the stillness of the house before the world wakes up....that peace that sort of hovers in the quiet.  It was in that moment, specifically the 5 minutes before I had to wake the kids up to start the day, that the tears came.  In just a few minutes my first grader would wake up, put on her uniform, and go meet her new classmates.

I don't think any parent can help but worry and wonder....what will her teacher be like?  Will she see my Mia...see who she truly is?  With 23 other students will she notice when she recedes into her shell and fights back tears as she tries to be brave when her sensitive spirit has been stung?  Will she notice the kids that choose bullying as their way to find value?

And what about her classmates?  Will she make friends easily?  Will she reach out to those shy kids that don't know anyone else in the class?  How will they get along and what will the class dynamics be like?

Will she feel safe.  Will she keep her joy for learning.  Will she thrive.

Mia has such a sweet, sensitive spirit.  She was the 2 year old that would back away from the stairs to the slide if another child came often that she would never actually get her turn.  She deeply wants to do what's right and is crushed if she makes a bad choice.  But it's this same spirit that allows her to be generous in compassion, delighted to help in any way she can, and full of joy in the smallest things.  Like weeds that look like flowers.  I am the happy recipient of many a bouquet of those. 

None of us want our children to be hurt or experience pain, and thinking about the potential for all of that in a school playground could be cause for serious anxiety.  There's a reason we have several years to work up to "off to college".

I could attempt to keep her in a bubble until she's 27 (and don't think I haven't considered it), but I know that I can't.  If she never encountered a challenging situation then she would never grow and never learn to stand up for herself.   I hate the truth of that statement. That sometimes pain is the only way we grow.  I wish it weren't true for me and certainly not our children, but it is that necessary refining fire.

This past week I have been seriously stressing (it's only 1st grade...I know it's ridiculous).  Then I read this post from Mary who writes every Friday over at Fine Linen & Purple.  She's so real, and in talking about her family's recent struggles she shared this quote from her dad...

“Never quit. Never give up. Never lose your faith! It’s the one reason you walk this earth. For God chose this time and place just for you. So make the most of it.”

William J. Green, Jr.

It was seriously like balm to my anxious soul.  God chose this time and place just for Mia.  It is not a mistake that she's here in this class, at this school.  And regardless of my anxiety or any painful lessons she might learn this year, it's all exactly what's supposed to happen. 

I know she'll do amazing.  How can she not?  She IS amazing. And the most amazing Father of all is right there with her. 

Sure enough, I was met with her bright smile at pick up time. Despite a scraped knee and catastrophic Go-gurt spill at lunch, she exclaimed, "Mama!  I had an awesome first day!!".  Direct quote.  Then she proceeded to tell me all about it.  

I love that I have a girl who loves details as much as I do. I'll be her captive audience for the rest of the day, and continue to trust in her Keeper for each day after this.